Thursday, February 24, 2011

Amazing Things From Old Teen Magazine

God only knows what fleeting train of thought led me down the rabbit hole from which I fished these retro teen magazine gems, but I'm definitely glad I fell down that hole
(Credit: Seventeen)

OBVIOUSLY the most notable thing about this 1984 issue of Seventeen, which featured Diane Lane on its cover, is the cat. WHY can't more magazines have a cat on their cover? If you have a magazine, it should be a LAW that you have to feature a cat on your cover at least once. That's great for sell-through, right? Also, like WHY is that a FULL-GROWN cat? His paws are like the size of half a Diane Lane. You can tell that behind that half-assed smile is terror. That cat is not fucking around. Also, note the "Nice guy Tom Cruise" photo inset in the left-hand corner. I wonder if he did that squirrely, high-strung "heh-HEH!" laugh back in '84.

(Credit: Seventeen)
Oh man. Winona! Back in 1990, when she dressed like an Amish boy but totally pulled it off. Wino forever. This makes me wanna go to Saks and check out their sweater selection.

(Credit: Seventeen)
Cameron Diaz, back in 1990. There's no way anyone could possibly have THAT much American pride without spontaneously combusting into a dangerous downpour of fireworks.

This is SO batshit and awesome. It's from Teen magazine 1971 (via the EXCELLENT Kitschy Kitschy Coo). Clearly the editors of Teen were huffing glue, but that doesn't stop me from wishbing I had a pair of ABSURDLY chunky Hawaiian Punch platforms. Also, could you really even imagine a teen or even women's magazine today suggesting you make an ass out of yourself just for the sake of it being fun?

Teen magazine, 1975. Again, everyone was probably high and had crazy eyes.

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